Knowing the difference between what's right and wrong is essential to a functioning society. If we want to interact with other human beings (and that's sort of essential to us continuing as a species) we have to have some rules in order for every day to not be a series of disasters.
In general we accept this, but the hard part comes next. Who decides what is right and what is wrong? What is an acceptable basis to decide all approved interaction? Everyone has an opinion on this, and even if that opinion is vague, it's still very strong. Why? Because it is human nature to believe that we are right (no matter how wrong we are), until shown otherwise (which is sometimes impossible when we are being stubbornly "true to our values" at inappropriate times). And so every society has as many opinions (from slightly different to very different indeed) as it has people and some sort of compromise has to be reached.
Compromise is a lot easier said than done...
So, this is the part of this post that I'm writing for, the thing that's been bothering me. I've been noticing just how difficult it is to talk to other people about their beliefs in comparison to your own without being offensive. It should be easy to have a calm conversation with people who you like and respect about the things that are most important to you both, but it's on the opposite side from easy.
There are certain belief systems that I think are insane. I know people who are part of these systems, and I don't think those people are insane, but if I were to tell them what I think about what they believe, they would take it to mean that I thought that of them. And the thing is, that I couldn't blame them. If someone told me that what I believe in is insane, I'm pretty sure that I'd jump to the same conclusion and be just as offended. Separating someone from something that is at the core of their self identity is kind of nuts in itself, but it's also required if you have a diverse range of friends and you don't want to constantly be on their shit lists.
It goes further than that though. You don't have to think a belief system is nuts at all to think that it's wrong, you simply have to have a belief system of your own for you to think that everyone else is wrong. If you thought what your belief system was, was wrong, it wouldn't be your belief system. Every single time you associate with someone else who has even a moderately different belief set than you, or even just a different interpretation of one that is otherwise identical, you are speaking to someone you believe is wrong. That same number of people think that you are wrong. Nobody likes to be wrong, to the point that telling them so, even with proof, is most of the time considered to be bad form.
The desire to do what's right is one of the greatest things a person can feel. The desire to be right is an act of self preservation, and is by nature an entirely understandable act of selfishness. People holding to their values and refusing to do wrong is the reason we've not descended into a worse state of madness than anyone has yet to imagine. People holding to values that should be let go is the reason why social change for the better is so damn slow.
The above paragraph shows a world of tough choices. The best solution I've thought of so far is being brutally honest with myself and doing the best I can to not hold on to beliefs that will hurt others and stick to the ones that will do the most good. My good friend Crossy reminded me that this was just called 'self awareness', a simple name for a really hard state to keep up. I will tell other people that although I do my best, that I've undoubtedly missed some things (this is bound to be the truth), but deep down, at least part of me is convinced that I've got it all figured out perfectly (this is undoubtedly wrong, but it's also really hard to give up).
I suppose until the day Truth shows up with a neon sign above its head and official paperwork in triplicate signed by God, we're going to have to make due with self awareness and empathy. Of course, I kind of prefer the way my Kiwi friend (who I mentioned earlier) put that second part:
"...what do you call the other way around? Other-person-awareness? SA is awesome, but it kinda needs to be coupled with enough common sense to understand that inside that funny looking shape over there is another person."
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